Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
time to smoke my breakfast
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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