i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
