i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
