Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize