Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
