Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
