im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
