Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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