I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
