i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
