I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
