It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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