Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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