I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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