why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
