Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
