I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Randomize
