apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
