piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
