i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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