he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
