You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize