My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
