Is it because I queefed?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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