Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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