Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
