ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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