sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
