they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
