Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
