i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You need Xanax blowdarts
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
