Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
