Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
