You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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