Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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