When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
