Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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