I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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