Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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