The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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