She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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