Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
