i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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