Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
