OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
