I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
