Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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