i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
