If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
