She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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