I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
