I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
