had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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