If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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