it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
