There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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