He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
So squirting runs in the family.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
