Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
