PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
