she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Randomize
