I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
