Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize