i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
