we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
