I murdered the dance floor call the cops
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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