On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
