Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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