You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
