You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize