You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
