so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
We are all done wearing pants today
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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