A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
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