I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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