so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
