i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
the condom got lost in my hair
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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